View Full Version : The trees don't stand a chance with these critters!

09-30-2005, 07:25 PM
I decided to check out the local a local pond or two, too see if I could find any beavers for this “KANGA” thing. You all remember how it all started don’t you?
The “Furbie” thing! Right!.................................

The ponds were empty for the most part when I started out. So I decide to go deeper into the forest.

I found at the next pond a larger gathering of an assortment of critters. But it was still hard to see what was really there. A lot more activity, but hard too really tune in. As I stood there to get a handle on the landscape, I would get an occasional brush from something?

I couldn’t really see what that was? But it would happen every once in a while and disappear.

So I decided too put on my night vision goggles (a couple more bottles of Bud.)
And low and behold things started to come into perspective!

The place was loaded with Cougars!

And that’s what was bumping into to me earlier. There were little pockets of them all around. Tucked in along the tree line at the waters edge.

I took a wandered around too see if how close I could get to these elusive creatures. I had no trouble at all. A Cougar is related to the cat, right?
That means Kittens, Right?

Well remember the other night, the strength in numbers thing, Yeah that’s right!
I never felt more like a pork chop in my life!

They warmed up very fast. I thought what pleasant creatures. They started to give me some sort of potion to drink. It was colorful and very tasty. All was well. They are such a lovely animal.

Things were going just fine, and then two of the five started to get kind of feisty with each other. Then they got a little “Tuggy” with me. I began to see the smoky look in their eyes turn to sharp as steel.
The soft paws that were once upon me now exposed a flash of claw. There was a growl, a screech and some flash of fang! A drink spilled, I jumped! I broke from the group. And asked them to “pardon me, while I get dried off”. As I went into the tree room, (you know what I mean, play along)
I was thinking, SH-T! “What the F—k was that!” I thought to myself, if you got the right one of these cougars it would probably work out nicely. Maybe even two could work. But three forgetaboutit! No one would come out of it alive.

When I returned from the Tree room, I noticed a huge change in the landscape. A great migration had taken place. The Red Sox game had let out. Critters of all kind were everywhere! Packed!

It was then I was able to observe the Cougars real mission at the pond. They were crouching and pouncing on innocent pry with in the packs of animals. Poor buggers I’m thinking. They’ll never know what hit them.

“Just surrender your neck to the dominate beast and it will be quite painless, and in some way satisfying for, you if can remember.”

Then I noticed something, Beavers! Tons of them! Scampering around the pond everywhere.

It wasn’t long before I made contact with a few of these delightful little creatures. A lot of chatter though.

So we got to talking about the change of season ahead and how we spend our time in colder weather.

She told me that she really doesn’t like the cold weather all that much, “I’m not as furry as you might think” she mentioned. (?) O.k.!

Now the place is jammed, I can’t get a drink, I’m done. “Nice talking to ya’ I gotta go” “What part of the forest do come from?” she asked.
“Just on the other side of the mound” I said.
“Let’s go” she said.

Off we went through the woods to my place.
She was a very frisky thing, the minute we got to my place she wanted to see my hog. She claims to be a veteran rider.

As she readied herself for the ride, I could see where see may have had a run in with some Native Americans (P.C.) she had been scalped! And had some kind of tribal markings on her. And thats not all!!!!!!!!!

She had some kinda hitch on her! It looked as if see had broken off from some kinda chain. Poor creature, no wonder she was so eager to come with me. She was running free from someone or thing.

Hey wait a minute, Eager Beaver!

I asked “can you get that off?” “No problem, put out your hand” I put it on the night stand next too!……… You guessed it! (If you have been following along: Quiz time)

Then another funny thing happened. She grabbed a few fingers full of grease from her pouch, slapped on the, lets call it the seat she was about to sit on, and said” Let’s ride”

We started out fine and at about halfway around the block the Beaver starts to huff and puff like it was blowing up a balloon or something!


This went on for a few minutes I would say. And then all of a sudden she let out a little squeak and a squirt! At the sometime.

I thinking what the hell was that? Did I break something? Sh-t I hope not!
Then it stared to dismount. I said “hold on there little beav, we have not stopped moving just yet. Well be there in a minute. Don’t ever dismount before I pull out the kickstand.”

After we completed the loop around the block, I noticed she kept on squeaking and squirting the whole time.

Strange critter.

After that we jumped into the waterfall. That little critter took to that water so well!
And boy O’ boy I was delighted to see how long she could stay under.

Then all of a sudden her phone rang. More chatter……………..
She asked if a she left at the pond could come over. I asked her………………….

Hey guys…sorry I gotta cut it off at this point. Phone is ringing and I gotta listen!

Later gators, I’ll try to wrap it up on the other side of the swamp.


09-30-2005, 07:35 PM
Drugs are for people that cant handle reality! dafinger

09-30-2005, 08:08 PM
Well said "Stoney"!