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angelys
12-12-2006, 04:15 AM
Okay "asshole" in dutch that would be Klotezak !!! And I am a Canadian/Dane and I know that term in Dutch!!! for christ sakes!!! Need help here. Have a long time friend, who is actually Canadian but has been living in Holland for 16 yrs. <oh yes, read very fluent dutchman!!> "Friend" <geez it sounds so surreal! trust me...work with me here, this is a friend and I am struggling here with how to be friend back>

For a year now he wants to leave, loves his children to death...trust me, I know. she as well. She loves him, he loves her but not "in" love her anymore. The children do not know yet but he is leaving in January. children: 14, 9 and 3. He 43, she 42. This is where I become the asshole. I am thinking he should re-evaluate. take a deep breath. mid-life? hell I don't know....I just know he loves his kids, he loves her and hates to see her cry, yet he believes it is over. He believes he has failed as well. He sees a different life for himself...which INCLUDES the children. he would never leave them. He just sees something different. She, sees life with him and the children and although they have both talked about a mutual seperation, now she is breaking down.

ah yes, now I find myself inbetween two people I love and I hurt to see them struggle.

Help???

Kagan
12-12-2006, 04:29 AM
OK. I'm one too. Same exact thing. My best friend (and best-man at my wedding) married a Brit. They've lived in England since '92. He's a Canuck and has been missing home for the last 10 years and she won't move. They love each other and have 2 kids but there's a constant struggle. I've heard from both of them since she knows I'll give it to her straight.

If stuck in the middle means you're an asshole, then I'm definitely one. :D

My advice? Be honest. Tell them what you see and what you think it means. They'll make the big decisions without you. That way you can be an asshole without being an interfering asshole. :lol:

Shorty
12-12-2006, 04:37 AM
Not an asshole at all. Best you can do is be a sounding board for them as they go through the process. In most break-ups theres one who wants it and one who doesnt. But unless youve been there late at night, during their intimate talks and arguments, then who's to know whats been said or done between them.
Be a friend. Be by their side. Support whatever they choose to do.

angelys
12-12-2006, 04:48 AM
If stuck in the middle means you're an asshole, then I'm definitely one. :D


My advice? Be honest. Tell them what you see and what you think it means. They'll make the big decisions without you. That way you can be an asshole without being an interfering asshole. :lol:

*****
Well at least I know there will be a FULL MOON tonight! Thanks Kagan. That is what I have been doing and feel like a <so not lady like> but a SHIT!!!!!!!! It is tearing me up because he is my long time Cdn friend and she is my well my long time wooden shoe girlfriend. I hate when the phone rings now. Have to say though, you are right, the big decision is theirs and not mine and I'd much rather just be an asshole minus the interferance.

angelys
12-12-2006, 04:54 AM
Not an asshole at all. Best you can do is be a sounding board for them as they go through the process. In most break-ups theres one who wants it and one who doesnt. But unless youve been there late at night, during their intimate talks and arguments, then who's to know whats been said or done between them.
Be a friend. Be by their side. Support whatever they choose to do.

Shorty, you were my first contact here on HCG and gave me good direction...and you did it again. I do not know what has been said late at night between them <and don't care to know! thankyou !!>..so I just need to be that friend, for both of them.

Thank you. Just needed to reach out. Thanks.

angelys
12-12-2006, 05:05 AM
Kagan' Sig: He has realized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the imagination of the imaginer. And ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway. -FZ

And I would just like to say, this sig is just way too heavy and it brought a smile to my face even when I was not feeling like smiling! Nice. :)

Kagan
12-12-2006, 05:29 AM
PM me your email address. It's a great song by Frank Zappa. Watermelon in Easter Hay. :)

Shorty
12-20-2006, 05:13 PM
Hey angel, hows it goin. Are you still an asshole? ;)
Ya know, I was wondering. Since these are friends of yours are you able to tell them that discussing certain things makes you uncomfortable? Sure, we all want to be there for our buddies, but not at the expense of feeling like shit. Besides, they should understand about putting you in the middle and hopefully not want to do that to you anymore, once they are aware that thats whats happening.

angelys
12-20-2006, 05:28 PM
Hey angel, hows it goin. Are you still an asshole? ;)


For the most part, no - but i still reserve the right to be one when I choose! :rolleyes:

I actually did just that and told them both that I was no longer going to be pitted against one another. They are welcome to call me, chat etc but I wasn't going to get involved in the scrap!! so I think I just "choose" to be the asshole this time!! :lol: Damn it feels good! :P

Shorty
12-20-2006, 05:29 PM
Good for you!! :D

Gig_em
12-20-2006, 06:07 PM
Welcome to the barking spider club. :D

angelys
12-20-2006, 06:17 PM
Shorty, thank you for checking in! Nice and appreciate the follow up.

Gig_em - everytime I see your avatar I laugh myself silly!!! Hiliarious! :lol: